Sunday, April 08, 2007

I got a callus on my heart ... I can't feel sympathy

Took a hiatus, but i'm back....

"I got a callus on my heart ... I can't feel sympathy"

A callus is an especially toughened area of skin which has become relatively thick and hard as a response to repeated contact or pressure.

A callous occurs on the skin when it is aggravated or damaged; a layer of fluid builds on top of existing skin and protrudes skin on top of skin (usually in a circular shape). Due to the 'skin on top of skin' one can really feel a callous. So for one to have a callous on their heart; damn, one must be ruthless, vindictive, and have a 'take no prisoners' approach.

So when I think of a soldier, and all of the rigorous training that they have to go through, part of the conditioning that an army must exert on its force is the idea that one must 'detach' any feelings of affection or empathy. Soldiers are essentially trained to be a highly skilled killer; their objective is to kill the 'defined' enemy, but more times than not, soldiers will play a part in collateral damage. You hear it everyday in Iraq of how innocent people are killed by combatant fired. Even if one did not look at the collateral damage fact, a soldier is trained to take lives of other soldiers whom are defined as the enemy; however that enemy soldier is another human being that has spouse's, kids, family, friends, and then some.

SOLDIER'S WAY
So it can be said that soldiers not only kill the enemy, but soldiers destroy not only other's personal lives; and the people involved - the affect is very big as it does not only effect a family, but friends, neighborhoods, and even a whole community. I gotta think that the average person would feel some sort of feelings if they acknowledged that they were going to engage in such an action that would have such detrimental effects; but I gotta believe that the army truly must make its soldiers literally 'grow a callus' on the heart; so that their soldiers can't feel: emotions, grief, sympathy. So I guess I can understand why so many soldiers (present or prior) have such high cases of post traumatic disorders.

Post Stress disorders occur when an individual has been exposed to an extreme traumatic event; such as witnessing violence, death, or some form of physical damage. Cases of PTSD began receiving attention after the Vietnam War and continue till this day with Iraq Part 1 & 2. PTSD causes former soldiers to have a difficult transition back to civilian life; it sometimes alters their perception, can create a maladaptive behavior to drugs/alcohol, and can cause mild to severe depression or bi-polar behavior. Treating PTSD is a very lengthy process and requires determination to persevere, furthermore it may require one's use of counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, support groups, and even medication.

I guess the visual print of such a traumatic experience (such as war) is everlasting - which may go to explain why so many former soldiers have PTSD because that callus on their heart is removed/dissipated (in concordance w/ their removal from combat life), but that visual imprint remains, forever.

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Sunday, February 04, 2007

Why are you trying to fight Momentum??

"Why are you trying to fight momentum? "


Virtues
: strength, perserverance, desire, resolve

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Going against the grain; sometimes we see things in life that can just baffle us - as we see people in situations that just seem like they are fighting a force that will inevitably defeat them. I guess I’m trying to get at the fact that some will 'fight prevailing' winds of logic when they believe in something - and its not that the logic is wack or faulty or dumb (very subjective); its just that the probability for success is very minimal.
Probability is not based off logic (evaluating it), but is based on heart, passion. Which I can't fault one ... too much, for doing so.


However, I guess our heart/soul drives us to pursue something - even when all the warning signs warn us of trouble or failure. Which would explain why certain people pursue music careers (i.e. American Idol), but they have no talent whatsoever, or why one would stick w/ their significant other; even though all symbols point to failure (family, social, racial, etc). But the power of 'belief' is very strong, its probably what most of us uses to get thru our mundane days (school, work). Having that desire to overcome probability is probably why we fight momentum.


I know that I fight momentum everyday; waking out of bed to go to work, facing people that wish for your demise, a society that stereotypes you and places limits on your potential, and a system that restricts innovation and confines you to systematic thinking. But I know that I fight momentum because I believe in my strength and ability to do so much more in life than just the routine, mundane, systematic way that is prescribed to us. In my case, I think the 'momentum' is myself; I know I can do more, but I truly think that work and my schooling are restricting my potential (even though they provide benefits, money & knowledge, respectively). So my own momentum is myself, and how strong my will/drive is to be efficient … which I really got to work on, we all probably have to work on that.


Now, it may sound like I’m some sort of idealist ( I hope I’m not), I like to think that I’m a Realist; I guess ultimately, one must decide whether to continue to reject momentum and continue to strive to achieve their goals, OR some people may need to realise and come to that ill-fated assertion that whatever it is they are doing or trying to pursue can not work; accept the momentum that your bound for failure.


Think about it.

.::

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